Independent Claws

Dear Miss Moo,

I've been having trouble with my humans lately. They just don't seem to appreciate my need for needle-sharp claws. They fuss at me and throw things at me whenever I sharpen my claws on the arm of the sofa or the leg of the dining room table. Just yesterday, they threatened to trim my claws! Yikes! How can I get them to calm down and come round?

Soon to be Clawless in Cleveland

Dear Clueless -- er Clawless,

Our humans can, on occasion, become inordinately attached to some of our possessions. It's no use arguing with them, poor creatures. Logic is wasted on them. The proper course, in your situation, is to find and use a scratching place that is hidden from their view. What they can't see can't upset them.

Myself, I prefer the upper reaches of an antique walnut table leg way up underneath the drop leaf. I can admire my ministrations to this table leg quite satisfactorily from my vantage point, but those hulking humans never notice it. True, there are telltale sprinklings of sawdust on the floor when I am done, but the humans just sweep them up and mutter about termites.

So, you see, my dear Clawless, it is quite possible to have manageable humans if one only uses one's head. I urge you to search out and employ a similarly suitable location for your own claw sharpening exercises.

Miss Moo